Exhausted....but Distracted!

My feet hurt and I am exhausted, BUT my heart is full and I am officially distracted! I have been blessed to spend the past 3 days with 22 of the cutest, sweetest and smartest 3rd graders.  They are darling and I have been fully reminded that I LOVE being a teacher.  My house is a wreck, food is scarce for the boys (hubby out of town all week), my desk is covered with a bunch of "to do's", so I definitely haven't figured out the balance thing!  There certainly isn't time to sit and create puddles of tears and did I mention that MY LITTLE BIRD is coming home in 2 days?? I am pretty sure that has helped minimize the puddles around here as well.

I am so thankful that God has given us a close relationship that enables her to communicate so well and so often. It certainly makes this transition just a little bit easier....I can barely contain myself when I think about not havinng to text her and getting to hug her neck IN TWO DAYS!!!!


Some words God has given me to pass on to her this week:
Be earnest and unwearied and steadfast in your prayer life, being both alert and intent in your praying with thanksgiving.  Colossians 4:2

And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work.  2 Corinthians 9:8

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.  Romans 15:13

My Gift of Distraction!

I have been given a wonderful opportunity for a distraction from "my baby's gone to college " blues! A precious teacher at my little one's elementary school had her first baby this summer and I am going to substitute for her for 5 weeks so she can spend a little more time with her BABY GIRL! What a sweet gift from God for me to be able to help her spend more time with her daughter while I am missing my own so much.  

The teacher and I worked all these past week preparing for the students and we both had many weepy moments together- missing our precious daughters.  It certainly was the longest she had been away from her infant, and for me it is just trying to discover a new normal.  I was able to share this scripture with her (one that I had sent my little bird on a REAL bluesy day):

May the Lord keep watch between you and me when we are away from each other.  Genesis 31:49

I think the day I sent that one, it might have been more for my encouragement than hers! She seems to be doing just fine! Loves her classes, friends, roommate, dorm, the food isn't her favorite, but all in all God is blessing her with a wonderful experience!

Me? I still get weepy everyday. You can't imagine the silly things that start the water works! Tomorrow, will be the first time in 17 or 18 years that I have had a "first day of school" as a teacher! I have those fun nervous butterflies, and am so thankful God gave me the opportunity to help someone enjoy precious time with their daughter AND to pour into 22 3rd graders who are so precious to their parents. It is a gift to me!!!


Other scriptures I sent this week:

Colossians 3:23 Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men.

Psalm 34:8. Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him.

Deuteronomy 31:8. The Lord Himself will go before you.  He will be with you; He will not leave you or forget you.

Psalm 5:11-12 But let all who take refuge in you be glad; let them ever sing for joy. Spread your protection over them that those who love your name may rejoice in you.  For surely, O Lord, you bless the righteous; you surround them with your favor as with a shield.

Oh Lord, protect my baby girl!!

FaceTime- My New Favorite Technology!

FaceTime is awesome!!! My little one has been asking for days to FaceTime with his sissy. Unfortunately their schedules have not allowed the opportunity until TODAY!  He has had a couple of weepy days and was "just needing to see her eyes!". As much as I enjoy the text messages throughout the day (contact and information), occasional phone calls (her voice), Face Time is the best of both plus we get to see her eyes and smile!!  My little one was right, seeing her eyes is wonderful! After hanging up, there were a few more tears. My little one said, some were the missing sad tears and some where the happy kind of tears because he got to see her!  (My tears were the contagious kind!)

Day two of her classes was good! Now she has been to all five classes.   She attended what she knows will be her hardest class this afternoon,  and of course it was the first and only class to already assign her some work, so now the reality of being a student is setting in!

Knowing how anxious and fearful she can get about school with her great desire to be successful, this was the verse I sent her this morning:

The Lord is my helper, I will not be afraid.  Hebrews 13:6

It is hard to believe that we are only 10 days into this adventure of my first born NOT living with us. We haven't made a lot of progress, in fact I feel a little stuck in this strange space.  A space where her room is empty, clean and quiet; a little bit of the chatter and joy is painfully missing; and we clearly have not discovered our new normal.  Maybe it is a little bit of denial because I am not sure how comfortable I am with THIS SPACE, and am pretty sure it isn't normal!

First day of College- the School Part!!!

First day of college classes for my girl! (she even had a friend take an obligatory first day of school picture and sent it to me- isn't she the best!?) How fortunate is she that her first class is at 10:00 a.m.  as a freshmen! She loved the three classes she attended today and seemed so excited- her text messages had lots of exclamation points which means LOTS of enthusiasm to me!!

With all the hustle and bustle of moving in, sorority recruitment, and adjusting to a new city,  it sure seems like the actual school part got a little lost in the shuffle, however she is there to get an education!

There are so many things I don't like about technology and it's distractions, BUT what I really love about it is the ability to check in with her via text, anytime and all the time! She has made it so fun for me sending me pictures of all (well, I am sure not ALL), but lots of things she is doing. I love seeing her smiling face with her new friends doing fun things!

My encouragement to her today on this BIG milestone as her first day as a college student:

Let your light shine before others that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.  Matthew 5:16

I also repeatedly remind her TO NOT DRINK THE PUNCH!!!!! :)

Glad Recruitment is Done!

As a sorority recruitment advisor I found recruitment to be exhausting, but really fun. As a mother.....it might be a little bit of living hell on earth! Waiting ALL day and evening to know how her day was that started at the crack of dawn was- torture!!!  Things not going very smoothly for your baby girl- BRUTAL TORTURE and certainly a testing of the wings! Encouraging her continually that God's plan for her life will ultimately prevail was the only encouragement that could be offered during all of the unknowns.

For all of you that have to be a mom of a daughter going through recruitment in the coming days- I recommend you get your knee pads and start praying, but remember that God has her best interest at heart and His perfect plan WILL prevail with the perfect thing for Her!

Some scriptures I sent her throughout the process:

I will instruct you and teach you the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you. Psalm 32:8

A man's mind plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps and makes them sure.  Proverbs 16:9

Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you your heart's desires.  Psalm 37:4
We prayed that God's will and her hearts desire would line up!

Ultimately we knew that whatever happened was His perfect plan for her! What a blessing for me and my sister (and of course for her!!)  that at the end of the torture she became a member of our sorority! We will get to share so many special things with her and my daughter becoming my sister is pretty cool.

While it was so wonderful to see her, feed her, bring her the things she needed, do some more setting up and organizing her dorm room, it lingered in the back of my mind that I was going to have to do another "see you later". I am not a fan of those!!! This one certainly was interesting! While at a bid day celebration patio dinner, that was lovely by the way, as things were wrapping up the heavens began to pour. There was a mass exodus of the restaurant. All of the girls were headed to their buses to continue their celebration and I couldn't see her anywhere! Finally, outside the entrance to the bus I was able to give her a quick tearful hug (tearful for me) in the pouring rain! My poor sister had to have me blubbering in the car off and on as we headed back home.

Getting home last night, I just fell into bed, but today has been another day of puddles. I just miss her. I like to see her big brown eyes, her beautiful smile, and feel her amazing hugs. I am uncertain about when the next time will be.  I am holding great hope that it will be labor day weekend, but we shall see!

Thankfully, so far, my little ones wings are being supported by THE ONE that loves her even more than me and I believe she is starting to soar!

One thing I have really learned this week.....I am really relieved to only have one daughter!!!!

Even Grocery Shopping is Different!

Who would have thought that I would leave the grocery store in near tears (held them until I got in the car, thank goodness!).  EVEN GROCERY SHOPPING IS DIFFERENT!!!!  All of the things I buy with her in mind, her favorites, I kept having to pass up. Each time it happened made me more and more sad.  It is just strange that everything is so different, and I wonder when I will get use to this new normal- will I ever??

The blessing is getting to chat via text in the morning (she is even sending pics so I can see her all decked out in her recruitment attire) and then to actually have a phone conversation to hear all the details about her day in the evening. She is having so much fun making new friends and meeting so many people. Her feet hurt, she is exhausted, seems a little overwhelmed, but she still sounds happy so I am relieved.

Tomorrow, the first time I see her will be inside my sorority house, with great hope it will become hers! I cannot wait!!!

Today's scripture:
I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you. Psalm 32:8

Missing Her Like Crazy!

I. Just. Miss. Her!  It is so strange how I am going about my daily tasks and am really doing okay and then I get a punch in the gut of full grief that just simply takes my breath away and of course brings on the tears.  It is usually nothing significant that brings it on either, so strange, and i am wondering how long it will last.  Her empty (not really empty, but empty of her and her mess!) is really difficult.  She spent a lot of time in there and honestly, I like it better knowing she is there than 3+ hours down the road!  My daughter gives the best hugs and it is amazing how much I miss them- it actually physically hurts (just telling the truth, not being dramatic!)

I didn't hear from her ALL DAY yesterday because they weren't allowed to have their phones with them and it didn't thrill me to get a text around 8:30 that said, "just got home." HOME???? Are you kidding me- HOME is here with me and clearly she wasn't here!! I did end up getting to have a 16 minute phone conversation that made my day, I don't mind the texting conversations (we continued to have a texting convo for over an hour planning her today's attire) but hearing her voice did this momma some good.

The change in attire through her for a loop. She had the perfect dress, shoes, earrings and even bracelet, but at the last minute Panhellenic changed things and STRONGLY encouraged them to wear shorts! Well, my little bird is a rule follower so thankfully she had plenty of options and the recruitment clothes crisis was diverted! What a blessing that she wanted my help instead of the 300+ girls she lives with.  I am telling you, it doesn't take much for this momma!

Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.

Encouragement for her  that if she trusts Him with her life, and looks to Him, He will clearly guide her. Even to the right sorority.

Oh yeah, did I mention that I will get to see her in TWO DAYS!!! Heading up there to bring her some "much needed stuff" and participate in recruitment with her legacy! My sister is making the trip with me and WE CAN'T WAIT!!!

Recruitment Time!

Well, today is her first day of sorority recruitment! What keeps coming to my mind is that precious movie The Help and it's message as she starts this process:  YOU IS KIND, YOU IS SMART, YOU IS IMPORTANT! Oh how I want her to be confident in those things (along with a few others) as she is going through what can often seem a superficial process, that can lead to a really special wonderful end!  I can confidently say this because the process worked for me 27 years ago. I certainly had a fabulous time with my sorority sisters (probably too good of a time) and made the dearest life long friends.  I can also know with complete confidence that the process works because I have been a recruitment advisor here in our hometown for the past 14 years. I have seen it work for thousands of young women over the years, but not without some heartbreak, lack of confidence, self doubt.....and on this end of the process, as somebody's mother, I don't want any of those negative emotions to come her way!

Of course she has the perfect dresses, shoes and accessories, carefully shopped for with not just me but her grandmother as well! She even texted last night to find out where I had put the wrinkle release spray so i am confident she will look the part, she will be physically ready (I am wondering if she could ever be prepared for the heat, the blisters on her feet and the sore cheeks from smiling so much, but she will have to figure that part out as she goes), and trust me, she is going to look darling each day!

My morning started with a 35 minute texting conversation about which earrings, shoes, hairstyles, extra deodorant, breath mints, sweat blotting pads......(she has no idea how much it blesses me to feel "needed") and most importantly this reminder of where I really want her confidence to come from!

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well. Psalms 139:14

Of course as her mother, I know that any sorority would be blessed to have her as a member! Off she goes, hopefully it will be a wonderful week for my little bird!

It Didn't Kill Me, But My Nest Feels Real Empty!

Well, taking your first born to college doesn't kill you! It cerainly was physically and emotionally brutal in the 100+ degree temperatures in August, along with feeling like you have left a vital organ behind as you are traveling back home with your forever changed family,(my nest certainly feeling the absence of one), but I am still breathing.

The physical part actually wasn't near as bad as I expected. The university has it down! Move in was certainly organized and her tons of stuff, plus her roommates all seemed to fit in that 16x10 space, and it ended up looking really cute.

The challenging part, of course was emotionally. I woke up yesterday with a pit in my stomach, crawled in bed with her to wake her up and of course the river started flowing- I couldn't believe she had her last night in her bed, under my roof before college. I still can't figure out where the time has gone!

 The worst part was waking up my ten year old. The second he opened his eyes, he uttered, "no", and started into a full cry. It was heartbreaking. The realization that THE DAY had finally come was more than either of us could stand. My little one couldn't stop the tears until we got on the road. He and I rode with her in her car, and my husband and other son took the overflowing suburban! It was a great trip up- chatting, listening to her favorite music, it's amazing how fast that 3+ hour car trip went. I think my saving grace was watching her excitement and enthusiasm grow!

Fast forward from unpacking, organizing....a "linner (lunch/dinner) break......to DEPARTURE! The interesting thing was, I think she was kind of ready for us to go. Her roommates parents were long gone and 4 extra people in the room was getting overwhelming. Despite a hiccup with the printer set up, it was pretty much all done.  I was actually feeling okay, until my little one was hugging her so tight with lots of tears. He just couldn't let go- when he finally did her shirt was wet!  I was told to say goodbye to her in her room and to not make her watch us drive off, but she and her roommate were headed to Target so we let them go on ahead. All of a sudden my little one "needed one more hug" and took off running to catch her. He did. There we stood on the sidewalk, and SHE finally lost it! We were all headed to the same area so she did end up walking with us to the car. Between the room and the final goodbye, I can't count on just one hand how many big hugs nd wet goodbyes we must have had.

I actually loved seeing her bouncing off with her roommate, God gave me a sense of peace and clarity she was off on her new adventure!  Bitter sweet as my little one rolled down his window with tears streaming down his face hollering,  "Bye Sissy, I Love You!" Thankfully she had her big beautiful smile as she waved goodbye!

I will confess, the drive home was MUCH LONGER than the drive up and the tears came and went in waves, the worst were pulling in to home. I haven't gone near her room yet, just can't handle the emptiness of it quite yet.  In my devotional today, God gave me this scripture:

Though the mountains may be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed," says the Lord, who has compassion on you. Isaiah 54:10

Today, I will stand under His love relying on His peace!

My scripture for my little bird on her first full day on her new adventure:

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come pray to me and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." Jeremiah 29:11-13

I believe that my baby girl's wings are working!

TOMORROW!! Boo hoo!

Fourteen August's ago I recall being very nervous about my first born starting kindergarten, well let me just say that I am pretty sure this is 100,000 times harder than that one was- and it certainly wasn't an easy one!! We have certainly aquired more than the perfect backpack and lunchbox! The car is packed (my front room is back to normal, empty of all the clutter), and I can't even wrap my head around the fact that this is where we are- taking our baby girl to college TOMORROW!

It is strange to be so overcome with a mixture of emotions. Grief that she is moving away and excitement that she is about to experience the wonderful collegiate experience! Oh may God please bless my baby girl in the coming days, weeks and months!

Going to tuck her in one last time before she is officially a college student, our early departure time will be here before I know it!

Puddles!

Puddles is the only way to describe my surroundings right now. I live constantly on the edge of tears are fully in them, and I am NOT exaggerating! Saw full blown tears from my little bird for the first time last night while hugging her grandmother and telling her "see you later"- (remember, NO goodbyes). That was really rough.  

Having a family dinner before she left at one of her favorite Austin restaurants, while a wonderful get together, has pushed me over the edge.  My mom gave her this beautiful little wooden Palm Cross that was hand carved without any finish.  The oils from your hands as you rub it in prayer, worry, when overwhelmed...will become the finish. Clearly she knows my baby girl so well as her hardwiring allows her to become easily overwhelmed, and this will be the perfect reminder. She included a precious note citing Psalm 121 (perfect scripture to be reminded of at this time).

Psalm 121
I will lift my eyes to the hills-where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth.  He will not let your foot slip- He who watches over you will not slumber; indeed He who watches over Israel will neither slumber or sleep.

The Lord watches over you- the Lord is your shade at your right hand; the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night.  The Lord will keep you from all harm- He will watch over your life; the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.

We took pictures of each family's hands on her little wooden cross as a reminder that those hands that have loved her and watched her grow up into the amazing young woman she is will be praying for her on this next adventure in her life!

As her mother, I am so thankful that she has so much love in her life- but most of all, she is deeply loved by THE ONE who made her and as hard as this transition is, HE is watching over her.  Yes, my puddle is BIG and wet!

Palmcrossbyron.com

Guest Blogger: The Things I am Going To Miss About My Sissy

My mom is letting me be a guest writer on her blog. My sissy leaves in 5 days and I try not to cry (I am getting really good at that).  I am going to miss her so much. I am going to miss everything, her company, her letting my lay in her bed and "chillax" with her, taking long walks with her, making YouTube videos, her tucking me in my bed at night (especially when there is a storm), sitting next to me at the dinner table, her being my biggest cheerleader, watching TV with her and last but not least I am going to miss her loving on me with her big hugs every day!

The good news is, my mom has promised me for years that when my sissy leaves for college I get to get a texting app! Time to set that sucker up!!

It is hard to be 10 and have my sister leave for college.

See You Later- NOT Goodbye!

A week from today, she will be waking up in her dorm room for the first time, and we will be starting our new chapter of life without her daily prescence.  Things will be quieter, and I imagine we will have a little sadness to overcome. My encouragement comes from all the exciting experiences she has ahead of her, however my thoughts have been going to that place of the fact that this is the end of her living with us. Yes, she will come home for weekends, summers, holidays....but we will become temporary housing and the odds of her ever living here again are slim. It feels so strange.

Last night we attended a local alumni group send off party for her University! It was wonderful to meet other students and parents from the area, along with visiting with representatives from the university. I have no doubt that she isn't in great hands, in fact I don't think we could have found a better fit for her. In the midst of my sadness, I am so thankful for the glimpses of  how this next step is no doubt the right step!

The list of needs is getting smaller, you can hardly walk into my front room anymore! the calendar is full with appointments, get together and "goodbyes" with family and friends in the next few days. I have decided that we shouldn't be calling them "goodbyes", but "see you laters". It's a little easier for my to look at it that way!

Laundry 101

I KNOW, I KNOW!!!! 8 days before she leaves is a little late to start teaching laundry skills, BUT, while I Hate  strongly dislike laundry, I have developed a way to find joy while doing it. As I fold each person's clothes in my family, that is committed prayer time specifically for them. That is a hard thing to give up when I am constantly thinking about how much I am going to miss her.

I have equipped her with simple ways to sort- especially for all her delicate clothes (which i am most worried about, so they have there very own special bag!), Tide Pods to just throw in, Febreeze refreshener of fabrics for rewears (I have highly recommended this for the dry clean things), stain sticks, dryer sheets...... You name it, it is amongst the clutter in my front room.

One bit of good news, we dont have to send her with quarters. LAUNDRY is FREE (ha, you haven't seen our tuition, room and board bill!) 

Off for the lessons, and NO, I am not going to mind if she brings home tons of laundry, more prayer time for my baby bird!

9 DAYS, really only 8 as this one is almost over....boo hoo!

The count down is NOT fun. We are now into single digits. My youngest had a weepy moment today, and let me just tell you how that doesn't do this momma any favors! He was also concerned about whether Santa would find her in Fort Worth, he was certainly relieved to find out she would be home for Christmas.  My middle son was telling someone today that he was going to miss her because they were really close.  Clearly my little bird leaving is NOT going to just be hard for me, the brothers are going to miss their sissy! I know this change will draw my boys together and I am excited to see what God does with their relationship..... A little glimmer of good I can already see.  The address labels I ordered today with HER name and an address in another city brought me right back to weepy mode- ughhhh!